A Cop, A Maid and Unsanctioned Sex in a Mansion – And It’s NOT A Porn Movie!

A Cop, A Maid and Unsanctioned Sex in a Mansion – And It’s NOT A Porn Movie!

by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com

Somewhere along the line, Los Angeles-based porn directors decided that the benchmark of classiness was to shoot their fuck flicks in ritzy L.A. homes that are visibly, unavoidably expensive. I have no idea who owns these massive coastal beach houses and stately Beverly Hills mansions, or how they go about getting the semen stains off their custom leather furniture, but I’m beginning to think their homes may be contributing to a nationwide self-image problem of sorts, akin to the one caused by the surgically-enhanced stars of the videos shot in those homes.

To wit, late last month, in the hub of wealth and excess that is the Village of East Hampton, a pair of public servants evidently felt that their porn-fetish-laden romantic tryst wouldn’t be truly up to snuff unless it took place in suitably posh environs – like, say, those offered by a charming East Hampton cottage owned by noted interior designer J. Arthur Dunnam.

It’s porny enough that the pair involved in the illicit quickie were a cop and a (part-time) maid, thus encompassing two of the most popular “uniform” fetishes in the porn universe, but the needle on the cliché-ometer really jumps when you learn that the cottage involved is also the very home where the part-time maid is employed, and to which she possessed the keys while the oligarch owner was out gallivanting and globe-trotting, God-knows-where. That’s a plot line ripped straight from 1990s “couples porn” if ever I’ve heard one – all that’s missing is Tori Welles and Nikki Dial decked out in head-to-toe black rubber on the VHS box cover.

Porn Star Randy Blue

Porn Star Randy Blue!

The only way this scenario could have been any more prototypically pornish was if the arresting officers had stripped off their uniforms and made an orgy of it when they arrived on the scene, instead of hauling off the prurient prowlers in handcuffs. (For that matter, the handcuffs by themselves would work just fine as added porn flair; the act of booking the suspects, not so much….)

Naturally, everyone is reflexively blaming the part-time maid for her lack of professionalism and poor judgment and ignoring the clearly responsible parties: all those porn directors filling our heads with visions of unrealistic opulence as the only acceptable context for a raunchy rendezvous! My bet is that a cop and a part-time maid can’t afford a decent hotel room between them, much less afford to rent out a proper coital cottage, so how else could they assure that their hanky-panky was also swanky, if not by commandeering her employer’s chateau to serve as a lavish love nest?

Clearly, what’s needed here is a law requiring porn producers to affix warning labels to their work, specifying that the expensive locations they use are for fantasy purposes only, and to specify that the performers depicted therein could never afford to actually live in such luxury – or even be allowed to fuck therein, were it not for the money men back at Porn Central ponying up the dough to secure the spot for the shoot.

Without such a warning label requirement, it’s only a matter of time before break-ins like the East Hampton Hullaballoo become so commonplace that ADT starts offering its own “anti-porn” property protection package…. And nobody wants to see ads for that during the Super Bowl.

Sssh.com Porn For Women - Not Sexting But Real!

Looking for sexy entertainment for women and couples? Come visit us at Sssh.com

Erotic Scribes

About Coleen Singer

Coleen Singer
Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.
Scroll To Top