by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com
There is an inordinate amount of penis news this week: human penises, animal penises, penis size, penis shape, penises for dinner, penises in caves, everywhere ya look, penis, penis, penis! So let’s get to it.
Perhaps the most intriguing story is the one about a restaurant in Taiwan that serves penis on the menu. It’s a sex-themed restaurant, says the Huffington Post, and before you get too grossed out, the penis offerings on the menu are penis-shaped puddings, not, you know, actual penises from animals or humans. You can also request a blow up sex doll as a dinner companion, in case you don’t want to eat that penis pudding all by yourself.
The L. A. Times and several other papers reported on the discovery of a fascinating cave-dwelling bug that can copulate for up to seventy hours (wow!), and the female of the species has a penis-like organ that’s the main performer in the marathon nookie sessions. Yup, a female with a penis. That’s not all: when the bugs are copulating, the female’s grip of the male is so strong that attempts to separate them results in the male being torn apart. Soooo….the female not only has a wee manly penis, she also has super manly strength. You go, girl!
In case you thought there’d be only one penis story involving animals of the non-cute variety (then again, puppy penis stories might not be all that cute), there’s also the story of a legless lizard that crawled up a man’s leg and didn’t stop there (and no, that is not a joke). A man who went into the wilderness to reflect on his wife’s criticism of his sexual difficulties wound up in the emergency room when a legless lizard slithered into his urethra. The man reported that he enjoyed the sensation of having the lizard inside his penis. But don’t try it at home.
And definitely do NOT try this at home…EdgeBoston reports on a Long Island man who attempted to perform a sex change operation in his own home…with a pair of scissors. While it’s true that castration is the basic premise behind a sex change operation, performing such a procedure without anesthetic in a non-sterile environment is a good way to die, either from bleeding to death or from a massive infection. The article refers to the recent news story wherein a prominent rap artist, under the influence of drugs, also cut off his own penis (the article says he “served” his penis, clearly meaning severed…silly internet).
In another unusual story making the rounds this week, apparently studies show that married men with larger than average penises are more likely than not to be cheated on by their wives than their lesser-endowed brethren. The study took place in Kenya, where HIV infection is a widespread problem among married couples. One study participant said her husband’s large pensi size made sex painful and so she sought out other partners for more pleasurable sex.
And now, for my favorite penis-related story of the week: a British man tried to, um, have sex with a hot Greggs pasty (sort of like a cross between a Hot Pocket and a burrito, for those who have never had one) and burned his penis. The 32-year-old man, who so loves these Cornish pastries he developed a sexual fetish for inserting his penis into them, announced his intention to sue the company (a large chain that sells the popular savory treats throughout the UK) because they failed to have a noticeable warning about the interior temperature of the flaky crusted eat pies after they’d been reheated. Okay, okay, maybe it was an April Fool’s story, but it spread all over the internet like crazy because, ya gotta admit, a guy burning his weiner inside a hot meat pie is pretty compelling stuff.