Phil Varone on the Trail of the Tampa Swinger

Phil Varone on the Trail of the Tampa Swinger

Tampa Swingers5Have I mentioned that I LOVE real swinger movies? I do, and you should too, and here’s why. One of the highest accolades you can give a porn starlet is to say that she’s a girl-next-door type – your Ginger Lynns and your Sunny Lanes – and while obviously even the skankiest and most haggard and weary of porn girls lives next door to someone, the name conveys the most pleasant of dichotomies – an accessible, friendly girl who is sweet and wholesome, yet aware of the therapeutic power of a finger in the ass. Swingers, real ones, are the people next door, and do what they do for pleasure when the cameras aren’t rolling – and isn’t that what we want to believe of our porn stars? Well, that’s what you get in “100% Real Swingers – Tampa”

Phil Varone is apparently some kind of rock star, the once and future drummer for a band called Saigon Kick, which I have never heard of; after a small-time career making appearances on cable-TV shows here and there, he broke into porn in 2010 with a C-list celebrity sex tape called Phil Varone’s Secret Sex Stash and has been producing the 100% Real Swingers series for Vivid, including, so far, entries from Las Vegas, Texas, and now Tampa. Varone, hooked up with Vivid as he is, probably has access to all kinds of contract-girl poon, so it is admirable that he has not been calling those girls in to shill for the franchise. Vivid, while it is the face of porn for a lot of people in this country, means wind-tunnel sexuality to me – blow-dried, streamlined, whitewashed, squeaky-clean porn that rarely approximates reality – so it’s nice to see some real people doing real-people things.

Couples Amber (busty 40s blonde) and Peter (bro tattoos, muscular, square head) and Morgan (may somehow remind you of House MD) and Claire (brunette, thin, cute) join singles Warren (looks kind of like the librarian guy from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) and Jen (short blonde hair, cute face, soft and curvy) in cavorting at a sort of explicit sex-tupperware party thrown by “Jet-Setting Jasmine,” a stylish black woman who reminds me favorably of forgotten R&B girls from the ‘80s like Klymaxx and Jody Watley; she brings along Rosa Bella as a bartender. Sadly, neither of them joins in the action, although Bella does do some up-close filming and salacious directing.

It’s the kind of party usually populated by suburban housewives, but the couples here aren’t the kind of folks looking to spice up their lives – the lives are already pretty spicy. The party is just a context to set the sex against. Obviously the crew has been chosen for attractiveness, but I think they are just the cream of the crop of a particular set of lifestyle swingers – the women are not porn-star grade, but still very attractive in exactly the way you would expect Florida swingers to be – tanned, blonde, a fake boob here and there. The men are all in decent shape and reasonably good-looking; it’s a pretty small gathering as swinger parties go, more a party with a few friends, but there is plenty of action both before and after the toy demonstrations, which are definitely fun to watch. Also, unlike many celebrities who think they’re kind of funny, Varone is actually kind of funny, or at least reasonably likeable. As swinger parties go, this is a good one to watch.

About P. Weasels

P. Weasels
P. Weasels has been working in various aspects of the porn industry since 1997, and has been a fan since about 1975. He has also worked in the videogame and comic-book industries. In his spare time, he performs as a storyteller at various events in the San Francisco Bay Area and looks for things to do in the San Francisco Bay Area that will make for good stories. He has written for Gamelink, Kink.com, and the San Francisco Chronicle, and wishes he had spent more time playing baseball as a kid, because he thinks he would have made a great catcher. Email if you want to hear his idea about a great escort agency.
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